My Celiac Symptoms...putting the puzzle pieces together...

Because some of you asked…

The day I went to the ER with left side pain.
Can you see why no one took me seriously?
Once again felt like I was crazy. 

For the last 4 years I have struggled badly with random ailments increasing in intensity. This is what spurred me to keep searching for a root cause despite numerous doctors failing to find anything, and the implication that this was “all in my head”.  Looking back on my life since I entered puberty, I see small signs that perhaps this was an issue for the majority of my adult life and even back in high school. The science is still somewhat vague on the complex subject of gut health and celiac.

I don’t pretend to be a medical professional. I’m just sharing my experiences, hoping that if you have a lot of the same unexplained issues it might point you toward your gut and perhaps healing. From my research online, in books and around talking with people around me I have found, celiac or gut dysfunction can present in many different ways.  I am still learning about this and have experienced a lot of trial and error on my journey. I hope that sharing it can help others get help faster than I did.

Symptoms I have experienced:

1.      Brain fog and dizziness ( not vertigo but feeling continually like I’m buzzed) and unable to focus    without concentrating extremely hard.
2.       My eye wandering and causing me to see double. ( I had this since childhood and it always is worse when I’m tired; but its not a classic “lazy eye” diagnosis; it ebbs and flows but has been very prevalent in the last 4 yrs)
3.       Feeling like my eyesight is failing; esp at night driving but not finding any change in prescription upon examination
4.       Constipation (life long)
5.       Moderate to severe lower back pain (life long)
6.       TMJ
7.       Headaches…a few migraines
8.       Anxiety
9.       Insomnia
10.   Stomach burning; pain; bloating; gas that could clear a room; pain that wouldn’t stop unless I laid out flat on my stomach (has gone on for years; just thought it was normal from eating junky foods; also I would say that stomach pain is like the frog in the pot…it increases gradually and you deal with it day in and day out until you don’t notice it too much; I would’ve said I don’t really have much stomach pain but having just small improvements at times over the last months has shown me I absolutely did!)
11.   Left side, upper under the ribs stabbing and on going for months at a time and then subsiding (this was bad enough to send me to the ER at one point…where they pronounced me fine except for colitis…gave me an antibiotic and sent me on my way; even at this point my GI dr didn’t find it alarming and sent me to my OBGYN assuring me it was a cyst problem)
12.   Weak, flaking nails
13.   Dark circles and puffy eyes even with enough sleep
14.   Chronic fatigue
15.   GERD, acid reflux flares (this feels like there is a lump in my throat and sometimes like its swollen up down there and hard to swallow)
16.   Chronic dry mouth
17.   Fluctuating weight
18.   Leg cramps
19.   Joint aches and pains
20.   Extreme neck and shoulder pain
21.   Irritability
22.   Loneliness and isolation
23.   Panic attacks
24.   Depression (attributed to post partum; major life event: moving)
25.   Loss of interest in activities
26.   Obsessive thinking
27.   Burning in foot joint
28.   Tingling in arms and hands; arm falling asleep often at night
29.   Hemorrhoids (figured that was just from having babies)
30.   Irregular heartbeat
31.   Sinus pressure and increase in seasonal allergies
32.   PCOS: lots of ovarian cyst starting after the birth of my first child; an un-resolving cyst in my  fallopian tube and continuous pain resulted in my having a full hysterectomy in 2015.
33.   Suggestions of insulin resistance
34.   Failure to metabolize estrogen well
35.   Canker sores  in my mouth
36.   Tooth issues: crazy bizarre infections that would not heal and stumped my dentist and oral surgeon
37.   Adrenal fatigue
38.   Off and on cycle of vaginal yeast infections
39.   Uncontrollable carb cravings
40.   Teenage acne that was BAD!
41.   Toe nail infections

A Letter to My Body

As I keep dealing with the process of healing from celiac one day at a time, I am actually doing a lot of personal growth too. If you've read my other posts this is pretty obvious. Anyway, I was inspired by my new friend  Kristina at the blog:  MsModify. She wrote a letter to celiac in her first year of dealing with her diagnosis. I was intrigued by this idea. But I realized today that I didn't want to write a letter to celiac, it was actually my own body I needed to write a note to. So I did. I'm sharing it here...because

well...

why the hell not! I'm in this deep with my transparency, I might as well! ha! Maybe it will help someone, somehow. If it doesn't interest you, then don't read it. : ) Hugs to my sisters out there!

May 3, 2017

A Letter to my Body

Dear Body,

Boy, we’ve had a rough go lately! One thing after another and this celiac thing is really hitting us hard. I am constantly amazed at how you were designed and how you keep functioning with so much going wrong in you. I want to tell you I am sorry for treating you so poorly most of our life. I didn’t know what I was doing to us. I didn’t know how you worked and I didn’t ever stop to think about what hurts you. I am sorry for that and I’m really proud of the way you have kept me going all these years and grown and birthed 3 beautiful babies on top of it. You didn’t let me down after the hysterectomy surgery either, you keep on trucking despite your dismal lack of hormones and despite the bizarre foods I have put in you, and despite the big holes in your intestine and lack of villi. I’m sorry it took me so long to arrive at this place of understanding what gluten does to you. Who would of thought you could be so confused, and tricked into hurting your own self!? It’s a mess! I don’t blame you, you didn’t know. I do blame myself for not giving you better food to work with and for starving you on crazy diets just to look a certain way. I didn’t know I was making it so hard for you to function!

Will you forgive me?

Can we start again?

I’d like to help you heal. I’d like for us to form a partnership for the rest of the time we have together. I’ll take care of you and you take care of me and get me around to do all those amazing things God made us to do until it’s time to leave this earth. I’m going to start talking to you in a kinder way. I am going to start trying to do and give you what is the kind and loving thing. I’ll try not to starve you or shove into you things that you don’t like. I won’t punish you with brutal workouts that are too much for you. And I’ll try to find the things you like to put on your skin too.

You were made so amazingly. You are my gift from God…especially made to match my soul and spirit. I’ll stop bad mouthing you and thinking mean things about you. Together we are going to put celiac in remission and rebuild all your functions the best we can. And we are going to trust God to help us, because He made you in the first place and will guide us to all the stuff you need. I love you, Body. Thank you for being mine, despite our challenges, I would not trade you for another.

Love,

Michelle 

Where you been, girl?

A friend on facebook recently asked me , Where you been, girl? And as I reflected I realized it had been months since I blogged. The truth is all I had was vulnerability to blog about and I didn't want to share it.

But I had a little push today when I listened to this you tube clip from Brene Brown

So in the spirit of vulnerability...here goes...
Its been months because since the first of March I have been in a dark place. No one likes to blog about the dark days. Its not cheery, its not encouraging, and in my world its a sucky record on repeat... that only the "privileged" ( poor things!)few get to hear.

Bla bla bla...I feel like crap,

one scary weird physical symptom after another,

 I strive and I struggle to keep myself eating within the restricted boundaries of my current doctor prescription.

 And I google and research more and more restrictions thinking perhaps if I just cut the right foods out then I will feel well.

In my fear, I harass doctors and nurses becoming the Elaine Bennis of Conroe.

I cry and cry to God.
 I isolate.
I try to shut the down the voices in my head that tell me:
 I will never get well.
I am alone.
No one understands.
You are so annoying to everyone.
Each new day I wake with dread, wondering what awful symptom will terrorize me today.
And the grand finale fear...is my body going to just shut down in a terrifying way that scars my family for life.
These fears are loud.
These fears make me feel like I'm going crazy.
These fears fill me with doubt.
And they make it damn hard to enjoy life.

I loose hours, days, weeks of my life...I don't draw or paint. I don't work on my coding. I don't engage with my friends or my husband like I want to. I don't reach out to new friends the way I want to. My quiet time is dull. But I try!

 O I try so hard to be well and to be happy and to not think!

 I smile, I say "Hi, I'm fine, how are you?"  when I walk the children's pick up line at school.
 I try to be a "normal" mommy to my kids and keep the slow burning anxiety out of my countenance as I take refuge in the mundane chores of afternoons and evenings.
But I dread when they all leave for school and I am left alone with my thoughts and myself all day.
Some days are better than others...I work out, I enjoy some music, I walk with my friend and laugh about random nothingness, I go to my volunteer time at the college, or bible study. I feel normal for a time.

But the question haunts me...will I EVER feel well again!? Will I make it out of this alive with my marriage and family still intact?

And all I can do is keep telling myself..YES YOU WILL. By the grace of God you will rise from these ashes and be the whole beautiful creation God made you to be.

So this raw junk...this raw junk post is for you girls out there who are struggling...anyone who can relate to this place....who sometimes thinks I cannot try anymore...I cannot put one more exhausted foot in front of the other.

All I can say is, ME TOO!
You aren't alone.
I ate a full package of gluten free oreo type cookies yesterday...one after the other...
And I laid on the floor and cried awhile...
And its okay...

I haven't been consumed yet.
I will get back up and keep going.
You get back up and keep walking too, ok?

Quitting Coffee Again...the difference is Night and Day!

Watch this clip from one of my new favorite movies, Knight and Day. This is how I laughingly picture God talking to me in the experience I want to share with you below...



Hi everyone,
I just had to share the latest in my adventures with God and my body! So, if you have read my blogs about my food, you know that I began a journey back in August where I began to surrender control over my eating and trust God to lead me with my body and food. This January 1st I attempted to cut coffee and all sugars from my diet. It did not go well. I bombed hard after 12 days. So fast forward a few weeks and I am still struggling over wither or not to keep coffee and fruit in my diet. I had talked with a few friends who mentioned that they were cutting out fruit as well as all other kinds of carbs. The thought made me grumpy and you all know where I was on the coffee. But still I wasn't feeling great, my stomach was still hurting, and my energy levels were awful. I was using coffee every afternoon to get through the bewitching hour of kids coming home from school through the routines of homework, activities, dinner, and bedtime.

Finally, it occurred to me that I had said I was going to trust God to tell me what to do for me. I realized I hadn't asked Him.

So, February 2nd,  I sat at my kitchen table with my journal,a cup of coffee,and my bible and I wrote out my questions to the Lord.
And waiting to hear His response.
 I like to write down what I hear the Lord say to me, so I am copying exactly what we said to each other that day.

Me:"Do you want me to stop drinking coffee? "

                The Lord: "Child, are you depending on it to get you through the day?
Me: yes
               The Lord: Is it healthy psychologically?
Me: umm, no.
               The Lord:"It is making your tummy feel good?"
Me: no
               The Lord:"Do you feel emotional resistance to giving it up?"
Me: YES!
               The Lord: "Will you trust Me and give it to Me?"
Me: " I don't want to , Jesus! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
               The Lord: "Remember I said I would withhold no good thing from you. My anointing is on                  you to do this. You failed last time because you tried to do it without ME. But I am teaching                    you I am for You and You can do it."
Me: But I'll be so unhappy...I'll have headaches and no energy....Can't you just make me hate the taste?"
               The Lord: " 😉I could, but I choose this way. Will you trust Me?"
Me:"But what can I have instead?"
               The Lord,"Trust Me."
Me: When can I have it back?
              The Lord: "Trust Me."
Me: "I'm really weak Abba, I need You to give me a boundary of days."
              The Lord: "Here Daughter, take one last sip of that cup you just made, then I am asking you to               give me the coffee to hold until your birthday. on that day we will re-convene on the matter."
Me:" ok"

I want you to understand the gentleness of His Spirit as He asked me to do this. It was very similar to a story I heard during a Women's retreat many years ago about a little girl and her fake pearls. The little girl loved her fake pearls and wore them always, even to bed. Every night when her Daddy kissed her good night, he would ask her for the pearls. She always laughed and said no way! But finally one night she agreed to give them to her Daddy and in return he pulled out a strand of real pearls he had been carrying around waiting to give her. So this is the way I felt God's heart  towards me, as He asked me to give Him my coffee. He knew how much coffee meant to me.

So what happened, You see up there that I agreed. I took one more sip and then I dumped my coffee out. But the next morning, I took back the coffee. I just couldn't do it. I was so grumpy about having to give up one more thing that I loved. And do you know, the Lord did not strike me dead. Instead, He gently pursued me like this:

Feb.3rd I received a surprise package in the mail. It was an adorable gift box from my friend Leanne and inside it was TEA! It was a cardboard box that contained photos of us over the years, her sweet note, and a graphic that said, "Sip Joyfully". I immediately thought, God, this better not be a sign that you really want me to give you the coffee. Then I thanked my sweet friend and went on my coffee sipping merry way.

But Feb 4th, feeling bored, restless, grumpy and unconnected, I had another conversation with God.
And it went like this:
Me: I'm tired. Lord, I'm kinda scared to enter into conversation with You right now after the other day...did I hear right or wrong? have I disobeyed drinking coffee?
are you angry with me?
            The Lord: Daughter, I am not angry with you. I just want you to know I'm willing to take your               "fake" pearls and give you real ones. "

Me: "I'm such a mess!"
But I was not ready to surrender.

Feb 5th found me at church. In our class we were wrapping up a series from Andy Stanley on making Wise Choices. These words he said pierced my spirit.
"The Goal isn't to just know what I should do, but then to DO it."
"We easily trust in the laws of this earth: ie: physics, gravity, etc, yet we struggle to submit to the Creator of it all."
"A wise decision comes from submission to the Author of Life."
"Sometimes to understand why, you have to submit to apply."
We ended the lesson with this question:
Have I surrendered my will to God's will?
And there we were again.
 I realized that I had taken back my surrender. That I had stopped surrendering to God my body and food like I had told Him I would. No wonder I was struggling. Still I wrestled with the surrender all that afternoon and into the evening. Right before bed I was googling Adrenal fatigue...we all know how smart it is to be randomly googling your ailments before bed....lol! Yet, God arranged for my search to land me on a site that had the testimony of a woman saying everything fell into place for her with her physical issues when she gave up coffee.
 And that was the straw that broke this donkey's back! I got up Monday morning, drank tea instead of coffee and I have not looked back since.

 It will be 3 weeks tomorrow since I had coffee. Have I missed it? only a couple of times.
Honestly, my experience this time is Night and Day different from those 12 days in January. The first day, I was tired and had a headache but then starting the 2nd day until now, I have had more energy and more clarity and my stomach has felt so much better. I cannot even express the improvement in how I feel! And naturally, as with any relationship, when you trust someone and follow their instruction, it brings you closer together.

 God is so so good and He is so so kind.
 If you don't get from this story anything else, get this:
           The God who made us and this whole world, not only loves us each in very personal real to life ways, but He also is long suffering with our ignorance and stubbornness. He pursues us with such love and care.

Romans 2:4 says
"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?"


Consider for a moment, can you see a place in your life where God is gently, lovingly, and relentlessly pursuing you to surrender to Him?

If I know Him, He is.
And if I know Him, its for your good.
So learn from one stubborn donkey...surrender its always worth it!

                                                                     xoxox,
                                                                             Michelle

Free Coloring Sheet

Hi There,

I decided to take a stroll through my Pintrest boards yesterday.
I found inspiration for this adorable snowman drawing. It makes me think of my parents buried under many blankets of snow in Colorado right now.If you are stuck inside on this winter day, print off this sheet and let your creative side out! 

Snowman coloring sheet

XOXO, Michelle

Shoot for the Moon.....( I gave up coffee one time)

I shot for 3 months, I made it 12 days.

As I sit here happily drinking my cup of decaf coffee, I'm ok with that.

If you know me, you know that I'm an "all in or all out" kind of girl. I mean, have you seen my hair extremes?

 I often bite off more than I can chew and sustain. I should've tried to cut back to a cup a day with out sugary creamer. But instead I cut all coffee out. ha! Typical of me.

But I choose to look at this as not a failure or one more way I'm a nut case, I see it as growth.

12 days is still longer than I've gone without coffee in my adult life. 😅

I tried a big leap, I didn't quite land where I intended to,

But I leaped ( or is it lept?) in the first place, so there ya go.

At the beginning of 2016 I laughed at the thought of no sugar....and I've come a long way on that front. So who knows what 2017 holds...
For now, I'm going to embrace the coffee and its boost to my mood, energy, and GI tract!

How do I feel about publicly "failing"?
Well, I just figure I can get used to that. If you are authentic in your life, people are going to see your faults.
Yall know mine: I tend to go too big, too fast! 😁
Or as Charlie says to Maverick in Top Gun,
 "At that speed its too fast. Its a little bit too aggressive."

But God's can work with that and its why He gave me all you supportive, gut checking, wise friends. I'm sure there will be a future post on how God is teaching me to slow down...bahhhhhhhahahaha!

Coffee Ban is now OVER.

I Quit Coffee and What the Hell was I Thinking? (An Update!)

So here is the update for all you guys out there considering quitting coffee...
DON'T.

Day 10 and I'm still waking up angry that I can't have my coffee.

Over the last week we have had some of the coldest weather Houston ever gets, hmmm, what goes nice with gloomy cold weather? oh yeah, COFFEE!!!

Me and Coffee Snuggling on a  cold morning

So they say, detox lasts a few days.
They say day 9 and 10 are the hardest.
And maybe they are but days 6,7,8 weren't all that easy either.

Me with my Tea

If you find yourself committed to a season of no coffee, and are scouring the internet for a timeline of the withdrawal effects here is what I've experienced:

• SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TIRED!! Like its too much energy to find the remote to change the channel tired.
• Constipation (ugggggh!)
• Irritability
• anxious tight chest

Watch out for your very logical reasoning that will come telling you that this is ridiculous, your body needs caffeine and its silly to not have just one little cup of coffee every morning.

                                                             Because you will be damn convincing!

Still, I'm hanging on by a thread.
Here are some of my strategies:

1. I drink tea .
                I am trying to like it.
       I cannot have my favorite kind, black chai tea at the moment due to my food sensitivities,
      So I am constantly experimenting with making my own herbal teas or trying store bought. So far,  Celestial Seasonings Blueberry and Peppermint are my top favorites.
      I made a really yummy ginger, cinnamon tea the other day, however I cannot duplicate it to save my life...the dangers of creative cooking.

          Many people have suggested Rooiboos tea, but I think it tastes like a swisher sweet cigar! GAG! Anyhoo, adding a lot of almond milk and a dash of  cinnamon, and nutmeg makes my tea a bit more fun.

2. I drink hot bone broth and lemon water.
       For healing your gut and supporting your immune system, these are awesome and soothing.

3. I GO DO SOMETHING!

• walk with a friend
• do a chore
• work on some art
• do yoga
• whine on my blog about not drinking coffee...

I hope to report in another week how awesome being off coffee is, until then, here is an 

 excellent quote from my coffee loving Dad on tea..

And I totally agree.

I Quit Coffee and Other Hilarious Things I never thought I'd Say

Coffee....ahhh, coffee!
And by coffee I mean, delicious flavored coffee with cream.
How I have loved you, let me count the years!

OK, so seriously, I have been drinking coffee since I was a kid.
 Being a Roper = Loving Coffee
I remember sitting around family dinners with the grown ups having decaf coffee and milk when I was 8 years old. But I didn't full out adopt the habit for myself until my college years. As an adult, waking up to a mug or two of coffee , my bible and journal has been a constant daily routine. Sometimes, I gotta be honest,  coffee with God was my only reason for pulling my exhausted body out of bed. You see, when you are surrounded by your darling children all day long, those few moments of centering and quiet with the Lord and a steaming cup of coffee in the morning are priceless.

The soothing delight of a cup of coffee is woven into so many aspects of my life...perhaps its lingering over coffee  with my hubby in our red chairs on a low key Saturday morning.
 Maybe its taking in a gorgeous Colorado sunset with my parents on their deck.
Or grabbing a Starbucks with a friend.
And sometimes it's the little perk of sipping on your coffee during a long drive or meeting.
 Yes, I have a lot of emotion wrapped up in my coffee drinking habit.

So why on earth would I give it up?
This fall I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue and celiac.
This gave me a revelation about why my mugs of coffee were key parts of my day, even in summer. Coffee was flat getting my cortisol depleted body through the day! 

However, it was also causing increased stress on my adrenal glands and was part of a cycle where I was hyped up and then crashed. To support my adrenal glands and heal them I needed to cut the caffeine. 

So I switched to decaf! BOOM problem solved! not really...

There were other issues.

 my coffee had been tampered with.
You see, when I was diagnosed with celiac and all my food sensitivities, I found out that milk was a problem for my gut. So out went the half and half (btw I had spent a year weening my taste buds off of processed GMO creamers to half and half).

 Let me tell you, my coffee was not the same with almond milk or coconut milk. 

Yes, I tried bullet proof coffee with coconut oil and ghee in it. Not the same! 

Fall is a horrible time of year to have limitations placed on your coffee...I mean its PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE time!

So fast forward to Thanksgiving, my family was in town. 

My energy was tanked and my mood was bleck...I decided to have a cup of REAL CAFFEINATED COFFEE..and within 5 min I was in a happy mood and my body was ready to roll! 

When you have felt fatigued, depressed, and foggy for months on end, experiencing that high really is delightful! I jumped back into my caffeinated coffee addiction with two feet! And bonus, I found a delightful pure cane sugary vanilla  almond milk creamer to go with it. At times my cup was 1/3 creamer and 2/3rds coffee.... just writing about it makes me giddy with cravings. 

Did I mention I was supposed to be off sugar? yeah...Dr's orders. 

Funny thing about caffeine and sugar...you know they aren't healthy, you know that they are bad for you in the long run, but damn aren't they good when you use them! Don't they just perk you right up and give you the energy to do your day! HELLO ADDICTION!

So I decided I would indulge this unhealthy delightful habit through the holidays, then in January I would cut the chords. 

So, damn, its January. And its day 4 of no coffee.

 I thought I would crave it more. 

I don't really crave it for the taste at the moment, what I crave is the instant energy and brain fog lift. 

I nearly caved this morning when it was 9am and I felt like crawling back into bed. 

But I didn't. 

I drank a protein shake and went walking with a friend. 

I mean if you blab this stuff on a blog, someone will call you out if you are a loser who quits after 4 days, right!?

This is hard stuff...but I know it will help me heal and bring balance to my body.

 I look forward eagerly to the day when I can be one of those chicks that says, " oh I used to drink coffee but I feel so fabulous off of it! " 

Until that day, or at least until my detox days pass, you probably don't want to mess with me! 

Will I bring coffee back at some point in the future? Who knows. Right now, I commit to nothing but  3 months...January, February, March...no coffee...then we will see!! 

Your Resolution Personality

I thought this book and quiz might be as interesting to you, as it was to me while I consider my goals for this coming year.

 On New Years Eve I attended a webinar by one of my favorite internet personalities, Robin Long of The Balanced Life Sisterhood, on a Resolution make over.

It was uplifting, encouraging and caused me to think about the goals I set from a different angle.

 She sited this book, "Better Than Before" by Gretchin Rubin about changing habits.
 I have not yet read the book but its on my list now!
 In her book, Gretchin sites 4 tendencies people have based on their personality type:

• obliger
•  questioner
• upholder
• rebel

Here is the link to her quiz you can take to figure out your tendencies.Tendencies Quiz

This was dead on for me. I was recently blogging about my frustration with myself and the loooong process its taken me to choose to change my eating habits.
My quiz results gave me some validation, a little more evidence that we all process and work through life changes in different ways.  I'm excited to read the book and consider how I can use this information further in my personal life as well as in my parenting.
Can you tell from this picture what tendency I have?

Dreaming in 2017

Happy New Year Everybody!

So how is the new year striking you?
 Are you excited about moving forward in some new things this coming year?
Are you  mourning all that was 2016?
As life ebbs and flows, I have noticed, for myself, that different years bring different emotions.

This year...my emotion is EXCITEMENT!
 I am excited about embracing this new year with all the possibilities it contains! Jesus said that He came so we could have life abundant .
 He also said that we are His masterpieces created by Him to do good works that He prepared for us long ago. I love the mental picture that gives me, I picture everyday as a scavenger hunt for the gifts He has prepared and placed throughout the day. (Yes, I am saying the "good work" He made for us to do is a gift!)
Too many days in 2016, I forgot to seek Him and to look at my life with spiritual eyes.
 I'm sure I've walked right by many opportunities to delight in gifts He placed around me.
 This year, I'm hoping to increase my daily awareness of Him and what He has planned for me. I desire to follow Him bravely into new things, and even bring back to the table some long shelved dreams.

For you, my friends, I want to be a cheerleader.
 I want to urge you to look for those good works He has planned for you.
Look for those dreams!
 Pull them off the dusty dark shelf.

Lay them out before the Lord and see if He wants to do something with them!

Finally, I want to encourage you to share them!
Speaking life into each other's dreams is such a wonderful gift from God!

• Praying WITH each other,
• brainstorming together,
• encouraging each other,
• asking good questions,
• And praying FOR each other

These are delicious gifts of friendship and intimacy that God has prepared for us this year. And consider, the joy, awe, and wonder we will share at His WORKS in our lives as He does the part that only a Master Artist can do!

I look forward to hearing what you pull down off the shelf this year. 

I look forward to walking together with you and the parties we will have
 as we see the wonders of His faithfulness to us! 

Hugs, 

Happy New Year, 

Michelle

Gluten Free Gingerbread Cookies #getting me through the holidays

Hey Guys,
So as you may know, this was my first holiday season without gluten...and it was supposed to be without processed sugar. Hmmmmm, don't want to hit all my goals in 2016, gotta save something for next year!

Anyways, seriously, I wouldn't have made it through the holidays without this recipe. It was just the right amount of sweet and festive to get me through the holiday parties. I adapted this recipe from Megan over at Detoxinista. As usual, I had to fiddle with it and make it my own. Feel free to do the same!

Gluten Free Gingerbread Cookies
Makes 12-15 small cookies

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups almond meal I used this kind and love it! (almond flour doesn't give as good a texture but will do in a pinch)
1/4 cup arrowroot or tapioca starch
2 teaspoons ground ginger
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon allspice
1/8 teaspoon clove
1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
2 Tablespoons melted ghee
1/4 cup pure maple syrup
1 tablespoon molasses

Extra arrowroot or tapioca starch, for rolling & cutting (If you want to go to all that trouble)


Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. In a large mixing bowl combined the almond meal, starch, ginger, cinnamon, salt, and baking soda and stir to combine. Add in the ghee, maple syrup and molasses and stir again until a sticky dough is formed.

Since, I was the only one eating these, I didn't waste time making them pretty. I found you could plop them by the spoonful on the cookie sheet, pat them flat and it worked just fine.

Another option I liked was flattening out all the dough into a small parchment lined cookie sheet, scoring it into squares, and baking. Then when it was done baking and cooling for a bit, I would break them into pieces more like crackers. I cooked them the same amount of time and on the same temperature when I did this.

But in case you want to be pretty and festive and make cut out cookies:
then place the dough in the freezer for 30 minutes to help it firm up. (Or you could place it in the fridge overnight, if you want to make this a day in advance.) Place the dough in the center of a large piece of parchment paper and sprinkle it with a bit of arrowroot or tapioca starch to help prevent sticking. Using a rolling pin to roll the dough into a flat sheet, about 1/4-inch thick. Dip your cookie cutters into a bit of the starch, then press them into the dough to create each cookie. Pull away the excess dough to reveal each shape, and re-roll the dough to create more shapes.

Which ever way you choose to do it, bake on 350 for 12-14 min.

I loved these so much it was hard to keep from eating the whole batch in 24 hrs. To be fair, it only makes 12 small cookies....ok...but I guess that's a bit excessive for 24 hrs.
Did I mention I used to be addicted to sugar? (LOL!)
 This is a far cry from what I used to eat at Christmas, so I'll count myself as doing AWESOME! ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Here's to You Diet Coke and Chocolate!

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. third, it is accepted as being self-evident." - Arthur Schopenhauer

This quote absolutely describes my journey into clean eating....and its been a long reluctant one.

What was wrong with living on diet coke, microwave popcorn, and hot tamales? They were getting me through the day!( This photo is of my lunch one day, lunch of champions!)

 I used to laugh my head off at anyone who talked about limiting carbs. I often have joked that I could go on an all carb diet but not a low carb diet! And don't you even mess with my sugar! This girl has dessert after lunch and dinner and her breakfast has long been healthy eggo waffles and coconut coffee creamer!

The truth is I liked eating what I wanted, when I wanted it.
 I thought it was food freedom.
 I especially liked it when I could manipulate things so that I was at my goal weight and still getting my delicious junk foods.

In my ignorant bliss I laughed and ignored all the "fads" around whole foods and paleo diets. I had no clue that a diet built on little nutrition and high in processed sugar would one day hand me a nasty little bill.

When my family and I moved to Texas in 2013, I was feeling physically and emotionally a mess. It had been a hard spring preparing for a move I did not want to make.

 I had drowned my sorrows in tons of twizzlers, reese's peanut butter cups, cokes, and fast food meals. And don't even get me started on the coffee in the morning and wine in the evening.
It was a bad set up and I was starting to see the results.

•   weight gain
• brain was so foggy
• tired and depressed
•   left side pain
•  alternating constipated and diarrhea
• abdominal pain most of the month 

By the time we moved into our new home, I was having a new more intense type of brain fog that I could best describe as dizziness or bobble head. It was such a vague symptom with such a big impact on my daily life! I drank tons of caffeine to try to get enough clarity to do my day, which involved homeschooling our 3 kids.

 This situation caused me to slowly opened my mind a tiny bit to consider a different way of eating.


Last New Year's Day, fresh off a delightful hysterectomy, I entertained the idea of going sugar free, I knew it would be good for me. I even bought this amazing book: "I quit Sugar: Your complete 8 week detox program and cookbook" by Sarah Wilson. But when I read it, I laughed and thought, that chick is crrrraazy!  So I've suffered along another year.

In September, after reading , It Starts With Food: Discover the Whole30 and Change Your Life in Unexpected Ways I did my first Whole 30, because I believed God asked me to.
( more on that in another post)

In the first week of October, I was told that it appears I might have celiac (click here to find out more about celiac) disease. And according to a food allergy test, I had a leaky gut and a whole host of other food sensitivities at this moment. The foods I was "allowed" to eat were shrinking fast.

Still, I had to keep taking the long way ...

•  multiple grillings of my doctors
• various blood tests
• research research research  
• some cheating and
• a very expensive nutritionist, 

 Now I'm fully convinced I need to do a no sugar, low fruit diet.
I am back to a slightly adapted Whole 30 style eating plan.

Sometimes I get really frustrated with myself.
Why didn't I just take the doctor's word for it and eat meat, veggies, and fruit with no sugar from October on?

 I'd probably feel a lot better right now.

Still, I guess its a process and one I have to be fully invested in and convinced of. If I have to make a few mistakes and learn by trial and error, so be it. I think God knows that about me. I'm so grateful for His grace and patience.

For someone as opposite to this lifestyle as I was, its bound to take baby steps.

So, if you are reading this and you have just found out that you need to take drastic lifestyle changes for your health, then know you aren't alone.
Just keep moving forward one step at a time.
 We will process through this together.
We can do this!
For my Aunt Suzie, I'm documenting my journey for you. If you have to follow me down this road, then I hope what I learn will help make your journey easier.

Here's to the dawning of a new season!
xoxo Michelle

Stay tuned:

When the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, I am embarking on the latest adventure in my journey...quitting coffee....look for my post, "I quit coffee and other hilarious things I never thought I'd say."

Peaceful Gardens

I shot this photo in Chandor Gardens this morning with Linda and Erica. It was a beautiful winter morning. This charming historic place was full of mystery and stories. I felt this pull to sit in quiet and expectation with the Lord and a sketch pad to see what might emerge. Not time for that today but one day soon,  I hope to go back! What a peaceful place.

Creative Outlets

I confess that I'm a total nerd! One of my favorite things to do as a teenager was to close myself in my room with  poster boards, a stack of magazines, scissors, and glue. Oh and don't for get the gold puff paint! Then I would cut, arrange, and glue for hours as I listened to Mariah Carey or Garth Brooks. I would express whatever was going on in my dramatic teen heart. So, hopefully I'm not quite as dramatic these days but every now and  again I love to make a good old fashion collage. When I found this blank covered journal,  I felt it was the perfect canvas for a December collage. So here it is in all its throwback glory.

Mexican Zucchini and Beef Skillet Recipe

Hello there, 
In our new eating world I have found a few recipes I love and that my family likes! 
This Mexcian Zucchini and Beef Skillet  is one of them, I found it on Pintrest, thank you Lisa!

 Tonight I am adding a diced problano pepper and fresh tomatoes instead of the canned (I didn't have one in the pantry). We are also trying a new type of rice tonight, brown basmati rice that I bought at Aldi a few weeks ago. I may have a little, I try to take it easy on the rice, even though its not one of my allergens at the moment. However, for the rest of the family I like to round out the meal by putting it on top of rice or quinoa. 
If you're bored of your current meals, give this one a try. 


                                                                                       xoxo Michelle 

Well Hello, there...

Hi Friends and Fam,
Its been literally 6 years since I wrote a post on this blog. Recently I have been thinking about picking it back up. So here I am...blogging again. Why?

• I need a creative outlet.
•  I love documenting life like this. Where else can you save so many pieces of your life? I have loved browsing through my old posts of the kids when they were little. 
•  I want to renew this type of connection with my family and friends. 
• And I love sharing things I learn and things I love. So there will be a bit of that too. 

Yay! Hugs to my peeps...welcome to my new work in progress....

xoxo Michee

Back to BSF Pictures

You know I've joked we won't have any of those cute "first Day of school " pictures because we aren't going anywhere. LOL! So I had to take some "First day of BSF" Pictures. Can't believe how old my two bigguns look! We had a great morning at BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and lunch at Chickfila.

Waking the Dead

Ok, so its been sometime since I've blogged. I have a thousand adorable pics of my kids I could post but I have been so caught up in the Lord and what He has been teaching me that its taken center stage in my life right now. For sometime the Lord has been opening my eyes to the warfare going on around us each day, all the time every minute. Recently, my in laws came to visit and left me a book to read called, "Lone Survivor". Its the story of a Navy SEAL and a mission in Afganistan. It blew my mind and as I read, this strictly secular book, God spoke to me about combat, about battle, about MY ENEMY. I began to seek Him, asking the Lord to show me more accurately the battlefield, the weapons, and who my enemy is. Jen Giles has been telling me for sometime that I need to read," Waking the Dead" by John Eldredge. In God's perfect timing, I recently recieved it from my parents and read it like a ravenous woman! Now I can't stop talking about it or the way God has opened my eyes to the Battle that is going on around us and the way He has shown me who I am in Christ, which I have been blinded to. Guys, I've known for quite awhile that this cannot be it! This half ass, excuse my french, so called "christian life" CANNOT BE WHAT CHRIST INTENDED! Why do I spend day after day under the thumb of defeat, failure, shame, guilt, condemnation? Why can't I ever get it right? I can't obey. i suck it up, I must be a failure to God. He must be so tired of me. (all lies FYI)I can't do the things I know I should do and really do want to do....why oh why is my realtionship with God blaaaaa!? These questions have been the theme of my heart for years now. But in the past months I have awoken to find that God is answering me. He is enlightening me and giving me the knowledge and wisdom and insight that I have desired and craved for so long. I'm still on my journey. I'm still absorbing all God is doing. Until I can get my words put together in a coherent fashion, let me just say, if you've felt like me, go get the book!!!!

A little of me....

So ,most of you guys who read this are also moms. I rarely see your face on your blogs, as you rarely see mine. Ever since we brought these darling children into the world we just follow them around taking pictures and its a very acurate description of who comes first in our lives. There are very few pics of me on this blog, esp in the last year. So just for fun, here are three pics that my friend Kathy captured of me today. I dare the rest of you to post a picture of yourself this week!

A try at a group shot!