Waking the Dead

Ok, so its been sometime since I've blogged. I have a thousand adorable pics of my kids I could post but I have been so caught up in the Lord and what He has been teaching me that its taken center stage in my life right now. For sometime the Lord has been opening my eyes to the warfare going on around us each day, all the time every minute. Recently, my in laws came to visit and left me a book to read called, "Lone Survivor". Its the story of a Navy SEAL and a mission in Afganistan. It blew my mind and as I read, this strictly secular book, God spoke to me about combat, about battle, about MY ENEMY. I began to seek Him, asking the Lord to show me more accurately the battlefield, the weapons, and who my enemy is. Jen Giles has been telling me for sometime that I need to read," Waking the Dead" by John Eldredge. In God's perfect timing, I recently recieved it from my parents and read it like a ravenous woman! Now I can't stop talking about it or the way God has opened my eyes to the Battle that is going on around us and the way He has shown me who I am in Christ, which I have been blinded to. Guys, I've known for quite awhile that this cannot be it! This half ass, excuse my french, so called "christian life" CANNOT BE WHAT CHRIST INTENDED! Why do I spend day after day under the thumb of defeat, failure, shame, guilt, condemnation? Why can't I ever get it right? I can't obey. i suck it up, I must be a failure to God. He must be so tired of me. (all lies FYI)I can't do the things I know I should do and really do want to do....why oh why is my realtionship with God blaaaaa!? These questions have been the theme of my heart for years now. But in the past months I have awoken to find that God is answering me. He is enlightening me and giving me the knowledge and wisdom and insight that I have desired and craved for so long. I'm still on my journey. I'm still absorbing all God is doing. Until I can get my words put together in a coherent fashion, let me just say, if you've felt like me, go get the book!!!!